Men and Boys
by bluebel703
Summary: Sandy meets a 13 year old Ryan in the McClellen institute for boys...cohen 1...hurt/comfort...angsty with some light
1. Chapter 1

**A/N ******** This story is pretty dark (but there will be light because well I'm a fan of balance) contains descriptions of rape and violence…not overly graphic but it's there**

**A/N2 ******** I am fortunately not that familiar with institutionalized child care and am certainly not trying to trivialize what I'm sure is a beyond horrible experience**

"Hey Barry hows it going?" Sandy says with a smile sliding in to the booth across from his old college roommate.

"Sandy you have no idea how fucking good it is to see you." The gruff man says taking a long drag off his cigarette.

"Well you sounded a little stressed on the phone I wanted to make sure you were alright." Sandy says with concern. Barry had been a good friend, maid of honor at his wedding, a sudo-uncle to Seth. Unfortunately he moved to New York shortly after college so they didn't get to see each other as much as Sandy hoped.

"Are you alright Barry?" You don't play beer pong with a guy for four years and not recognize the tell-tale signs he's about to be sick.

"You heard about McClellen Hall?" Sandy furrows his brow in thought for a moment and nods.

"The institution for boys in Chino? Yeah I heard they were having some legal trouble." Sandy replies, still fuzzy on the basics.

"That place is one pile of fucking legal trouble." Sandy raises his eyebrows indicating for Barry to continue. "Treat the kids in there like shit the allegations include rape, assault and battery, neglect." Sandy nods in understanding. Barry was always a staunch activist especially when it came to children. The man had concept of failure and refused to compromise. He was the best man to have on your side and the worst to have working against it.

"Those institutions cause more harm than good." Sandy offers understanding Barry's frustration.

"I am going to shut that place down before another 7 year old kid gets fucked by a pervy guard." The waitress tries to hide the shock on her face and Barry flinches and lights a cigarette when he realizes his volume.

"You want me to help you?" Sandy asks cautiously. These cases take up years, they're usually brutal, time-consuming and all together not that great for the family.

"Look I know you got your own 13 year old at home and a wife to worry about but Sandy these kids need our help." Barry says adamantly leaning forward.

"Remember when we were in college and we swore we would never get the fucking bur out from under the saddle. That we wouldn't become desensitized? Wouldn't stop fighting for what's right? This is so fucking wrong I can hardly stand it." Barry exclaims putting out his cigarette. Sandy nods remembering how he promised himself and Barry ,sometime between frat parties and wooing Kirsten , that he would never settle for comfortable oblivion.

"Sandy I know you gotta talk to Kirsten about this and if you can't do it or can only be a consult or something, no hard feelings, I understand. Sally and me are moving to Newport for the case and probably after. She hates raising the kids in the city and our apartment is so fucking expensive I might as well by a mansion." Sandy laughs thinking that it's ironic that the two people least fitting to Newport society are going to end up making it there home.

"Give me the file I'll give it a look over. I'll talk to Kirsten this afternoon and why don't you come over for dinner help me pitch it to her?"Barry smiles broadly because it's nice to see that Sandy Cohen still does the right thing.

Ryan pulls the itchy sheet closer closing his eyes tightly. When he shuts his eyes tight he can imagine that he's not here in this hell hole, that his social worker miraculously found a foster family for a teenage kid, the sheet miraculously were clean and that miraculously he wouldn't have to shower with 15 other boys.

It's a toss over which live is better, life with AJ and his mom. The guards here haven't done nothing like what AJ made him do but he's been careful not to catch their eye. He knows it's inevitable. He's scum, and AJ made him even dirtier, AJ used to say that the only thing Ryan was good for was a good, hard pounding.

He remembers the first time like it was nothing. Trey was out somewhere and Ryan was lying in bed waiting up to make sure someone could unlock the window for Trey. When someone tiptoed into the room he thought Trey had finally remembered a goddamn key but it was AJ. Before Ryan knew it the man's hands were everywhere and no matter how Ryan fought nothing he could do would stop AJ.

Dawn had believed Ryan's traumatic story, looking back he had almost wished she didn't. After much convincing Dawn had finally shrugged and asked Ryan what the fuck he did to deserve it. Ryan couldn't think of anything but he's sure there is something. His mother wouldn't have laughed at him if he didn't deserve it.

"Kirsten I'm telling you now this case is going to be long hours, frustrating dead ends and me missing a lot of family dinners." Sandy says trying to cement Kirsten's understanding of this huge undertaking. "I'd have to quit my job and work with Barry and his firm." Kirsten takes a sip of wine considering,

"This is important to you isn't it." Kirsten asks softly.

"Nothing is important to me as you and Seth." Sandy states firmly. Kirsten gets up and links her arms around Sandy's neck.

"Righting wrongs, taking names, working long hour for almost no pay." Kirsten says with a smile. "That is definitely the Sandy Cohen I married. I support you and it's not like we need the money." Kirsten adds with a laugh kissing her husband.

"Are you 100% sure because I guarantee it's not going to be easy and I want to do right by you and Seth"

"You are a man Seth can be proud to say is his father." Kirsten says combing her fingers through Sandy's hair. "And including me in the decision, being honest about how hard this is going to be for you, for us, that's all I ever need. You do right by me everyday Sandy but if you refuse this job you would be doing wrong by you."

"Alright." Sandy says with a nod wondering what he did to deserve such a supportive, loving wife. Immediately he picks up the phone and dials Barry.

"Barry, I'm in, let's shut these fuckers down."

"Get the fuck up!" Ryan is sent crashing to the ground and immediately scrambles up falling in to line with the other kids. He keeps his eye downcast, non-defiant, he wants to blend, he wants to stop being a fuck-up.

"In the showers." This is Ryan least favorite part of the day and he washes as quickly as he can under the watchful eyes of the guard. As soon as he's done he bolts out and basically runs back to his bed to change. There is never any privacy, always someone watching.

"Attwood it's you turn to clean the showers." Ryan nods at the guards barking voice and runs in to the shower room stopping cold at the scene in front of him. Nicholas, an 8 year old who was shyer than Ryan was pressed against the shower sobbing a large guard behind him, eyes rolling back in satisfaction as Nicholas cries silent in protest, to decimated to fight.

"STOP!" Ryan yells running at the guard and pushing him off the smaller boy who is now crying wholeheartedly. The guard looks down menacingly and Ryan quivers as he backhands him.

"I do what I like boy." Ryan pushes Nick out the door.

"Go." Ryan implores. Nick looks at him for a moment fear, gratitude and guilt in his eyes. "RUN Nick." And he does.

"I'll show you who's in control here boy." Ryan's pants are at his ankles and someone else takes a little piece of his soul.

**REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**If you like this I also wrote a story called 'Young Ryan' about Ryan getting adopted at a younger age.**


	2. Chapter 2

"Mr. Cohen, I'm Liam Daniels the director." Liam sticks out his hand and Sandy stiffens slightly, hating him on principle but knowing he needs his cooperation.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Daniels." Sandy replies coolly shaking the man's hand firmly before beginning their tour. It is hours of looking into the darkened eyes of over a hundred children and frustratingly not being able to find a single thing to pin the institution on legally.

"What's down there?" Sandy asks pointing to the one door Liam had been steering him away from. The flash of discomfort on Liam's face quickly changes to calm indifference.

"Oh just old records, cleaning supplies stuff like that." Liam sounds so calmly positive that if Sandy hadn't been a public defender for ten years he might have missed the lie.

"Right well I have a warrant for the whole building." Sandy replies and Liam nods nervously flipping through the keys to shakily take out a long skeleton key. To Sandy's surprise it is just a records room and he wanders around suspiciously, trying to figure out what had but the nervous glint in Liam's eyes. A light catches Sandy's eye and he looks down a small hallway.

"What's down here?" Sandy asks aloud

"All the seclusion rooms are kept within state regulations." Liam yells almost helplessly mistaking Sandy's confusion for discovery. Wordlessly, Sandy grabs Liam's keys and he walks briskly down the hall to the front of a cell with a faint light streaming out the bottom of the door. Hurriedly he opens the door and looks down with sympathetic horror at the scene in front of him.

A little boy, 11, maybe 12, with dirty blonde hair and impossibly large, blue eyes stares up at Sandy, clearly petrified, before scampering frantically to the back of his cell. Sandy's heart beats quickly as he crouches down to the little boy's level carefully keeping his distance.

"It's ok." Sandy says quietly glancing over the bruises and scratches all over the boy's body. "I'm not going to hurt you I promise it's ok." The wary look doesn't leave the kid's face as he shivers in the corner. Concerned Sandy picks up the blanket and holds it out to the boy. The little boy shrinks further into the corner and Sandy puts the blanket down within his reach.

"My name's Sandy Cohen." Sandy says keeping his voice calm and level. "What's yours?" The boy wraps his bony arms his knees and shyly looks up at Sandy from under his greasy bangs.

"Ryan, sir." Ryan whispers causing Sandy to have to strain to hear the soft voice that is raspy with disuse.

"It's nice to meet you." Sandy says reaching into his briefcase to hand Ryan a bottle of water. Ryan accepts the bottle hesitantly and takes a grateful swig.

"How old are you?" Sandy asks after a moment desperate to keep the conversation light.

"I turn 13 a week Thursday." Ryan replies picking at his nails.

"Happy almost Birthday." Sandy says with a smile. Ryan looks up, a painfully hesitant crooked smile on his bruised face.

"I have a son, Seth, he's 13 too." Ryan nods looking down again. Sandy takes a moment to look over the boy's thin arms that are peppered with scars, bruises and cuts. During the moment of silence Ryan catches Sandy's gaze and shifts uncomfortably obviously embarrassed by his current state. Sandy tries to imagine Seth in this position, scared and shaking in a concrete cell.

"How long have you been in here?" Sandy asks quietly, well aware he is steering the conversation into uncomfortable territory.

"McClellen for a four months, BMod for 3 days." Ryan answers looking in to Sandy's eyes to gauge his reaction.

"That's a long time." Sandy replies hoping he is at least being fed and watered.

"Some kids have it worse." Ryan says with a shrug. Sandy doesn't want to think about that and brushes over the disturbing statement trying to find neutral territory.

"Hungry?" Sandy asks suddenly remembering the lunch Rosa put in his briefcase. Ryan looks up with interest but refrains from responding. Sandy takes that as a resounding yes and gently lobs the paper bag to Ryan who looks through it with poorly restrained desire before looking up to Sandy uncertainly, not truly believing in a free lunch.

"It's ok it's all yours." Sandy assures the younger boy. "Go for it." He encourages and Ryan gingerly unwraps the sandwich before eagerly digging in. The simply boyishness of the gesture causes Sandy's uncertainty to break and their conversation quickly becomes easy. Ryan likes baseball and he, like Sandy, prefers the A's over the Dodgers and likes math but 'sucks' at English. Every once in a while a soft chuckle bubbles from Ryan reminding Sandy that he is still just a young kid. In the middle of their conversation Sandy's phone rings breaking the momentarily bond the two opposites had created.

"Barry?" Sandy says flashing an apologetic smile at Ryan who smiles back a little uncertainly.

"Sandy where the hell are you you're 30 minutes late for the meeting." Sandy looks down at his watch with a gasp realizing he had spent almost two hours with Ryan.

"I'm so sorry Barry I'll be there as soon as I can." Barry mutters some more profanity but grudgingly agrees to hold the meeting until Sandy can make it across town. Sandy hurriedly gathers up his things before looking at Ryan who is intently focused on the floor. Sandy sighs because he knows he is no better than the other lawyers and social workers that come in and out of this place.

"Ryan I'll be back ok kid?" Ryan meets Sandy's eyes with disbelief and resignation. Sandy smiles reassuringly and passes Ryan the thin blanket.

"I promise kid." Sandy walks out of the room and looks back at Ryan after a beat hating to leave him there alone, vulnerable.

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It's 1AM when a dejected Sandy finishes fishing through technicalities and opens the front door with a heavy sigh.

"You're home." Kirsten says with a smile putting her book down.

"I'm sorry so late." Sandy apologizes going over to kiss her.

"It's ok I knew it would happen. It was nice actually, Seth and I went out." Kirsten replies. Sandy nods and locks the door behind him.

"You should lock this when I'm not here." Sandy rebukes. Too many case files filled with battered wives and children are firmly burned into Sandy's brain and he can't get the look of Ryan's eyes out of his head. Kirsten tilts her head a little incredulously.

"Are you alright honey?" Kirsten asks noticing Sandy's disheartened expression.

"Yeah." Sandy says with a forced smile. "Yeah there is just something I need to do." Kirsten nods and Sandy trots up the stairs to Seth's bedroom. Seth lies, strewn haphazardly on the bed, a comic book under his cheek his feet sticking out from the covers. _When had Seth gotten so big?_ Sandy wonders regarding the adolescent wisp of hair beginning to come in over Seth's lip.

With a soft sigh Sandy sits on the edge Seth's bed. The weight causes the bed to dip slightly but Seth sleeps through it assured, even in his sleep, that his parents were keeping him safe from harm. Gently Sandy works the comic out from under Seth's cheek. The action causes Seth's eyes to flutter open in confusion.

"Dad? Wha?" Had it been so long since he had tucked Seth in that his entrance was met with nothing other than abject confusion?

"Shh it's late." Sandy says straightening the covers out over the boy's gangly form. "Go back to sleep."

"You wake me up to tell me to go back to sleep?" Seth grumbles cracking an eye open. "Are you high?" Sandy snorts brushing back Seth's unruly curls.

"No son." Sandy assures Seth.

"Goodnight." Sandy gets up tucking the covers up to Seth's chin. "I love you." Seth gives Sandy a funny look but nods groggily.

"Yeah I love you too." Sandy looks out the door to where Kirsten is watching with a soft but slightly worried smile. Kirsten walks to Seth's bed and lays the back of her hand on Seth's cheek with a fond smile before turning to Sandy.

"Talk to me." Kirsten requests softly and Sandy tells her all about the little boy in the basement

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Ryan lies, staring at the ceiling taking in the soft snores and mumbles of the boys around him. The sound that is usually an annoyance is welcome relief after the deafening silence of solitary. With a heavy sigh Ryan cuddles under his blanket trying to ignore the itchiness of the low quality wool and firmly shuts his eyes trying to turn off his mind.

A sharp tug on the blanket causes Ryan's eyes to suddenly blink open. His fear softens to sympathy as he looks down to find Nick staring back at him, his big blue eyes filled with tears. Ever since the incident in the showers Nick has decided Ryan is his own personal saviour and Ryan doesn't have the heart to tell him that he can't save himself let alone Nick. Ryan sighs indulgently and moves over in the bed making room for the little boy to climb in. Immediately Nick curls into Ryan pressing his cold frame against Ryan's. Part of Ryan wants to tell Nick to get in his own side of the bed but the trembling of Nick's body speaks too loudly of a nightmare. With a sigh Ryan pulls the blanket tighter around Nick before holding him close.

"It's ok." Ryan whispers in an attempt to calm the boy down. "Everything's going to be ok." Ryan doesn't even believe his own platitudes but Nick is still young enough to be lulled to sleep by the mumbled reassurances.

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**REVIEWS = LOVE**

**Again this story will be slow going until Dec 15****th**** when my exams are done!!!!!!!!!!! But i got bored studying comparative politics and decided to but Ryan through the ringer instead**


	3. Chapter 3

"ATWOOD" Ryan looks up from his book nervously before jumping out of bed.

"That fancy ass lawyer is here to see you." Michael sneers getting down to Ryan's level. The guard's hot breath on his neck reminds him too much of last weeks events and Ryan takes a fearful step back.

"Better not be telling secrets boy."

"No sir." Ryan mutters casting his eyes downward before quickly walking to the visitors room where Sandy is waiting.

"Hey kid." Sandy says with a grin. Ryan smiles back, uncertainly. The only visitors he ever had were social workers, no one had ever dropped by before and Ryan is too taken aback to respond for a moment.

"How are you?" Sandy asks looking over Ryan for any more signs of bruising or neglect. The boy's eyes darken almost imperceptibly at the question but he quickly covers it.

"Good." Sandy nods and slides a second bagged lunch across the table. Ryan looks at it sceptically and hesitantly digs in at Sandy's nod. The odd pair sits in companionable silence enjoying the momentary break from their lives. Half-way through his second sandwich Sandy looks over to Ryan and sees the boy happily munching a sandwich, a streak of jam on his cheek. The childishness of the gesture makes Sandy suddenly realize how young Ryan is, that in the midst of this crappy life he is just a kid.

"You got..." Sandy points to the side of his face and Ryan flushes immediately before urgently wiping the jam off his cheek. When Ryan meets his eyes again they are full of shame and embarrassment and Sandy can't help but wonder what this kid went through to make something so small so big. He's about to offer a reassuring statement but is stopped by Ryan's laugh.

"Mr. Cohen you have jam on your face." Ryan says though his giggles before immediately sobering obviously worried he insulted Sandy. Sandy feels the stickiness on the side of his face and immediately bursts out laughing. The laughter is contagious and soon Ryan is giggling along with him.

"We are quite the pair." Sandy says with a rueful headshake as he wipes the side of his face. "The only thing my wife can 'cook' is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and apparently she uses too much jam." Ever since he met Sandy Ryan has been curious about this man's life, grasping at the few careless allusions he made about his wife or son.

"What are they like?" Ryan asks after a beat, curiosity getting the better of him. Sandy looks across the table in confusion.

"Your family." Ryan clarifies before immediately mistaking Sandy's stunned silence for incredulity.

"N-Never mind – I shouldn'tve...." Ryan trails off miserably. Sandy just smiles and pulls a worn picture from his wallet.

"No, no it's fine. My wife Kirsten is a business woman, and a mother and an amazing wife." Sandy says fondly "I still haven't figured out how she does it. Seth is—hard to put in to words, great kid, smart, funny, you'd like him." Ryan nods holding Sandy's eye contact for the first time ever in awe of the pure love and adoration that laces every adjective he uses in relation to his family. The way he talks about them says way more than the words he uses.

"What about you Ryan? What's your family like?" Sandy says levelly knowing that Ryan's family life would be a sore topic. The kid doesn't say anything but Sandy silently waits him out, not pushing but not withdrawing the question either.

"My Dad's in jail...armed robbery." Ryan's eyes flick to Sandy's to judge the man's reaction but Sandy gives an understanding nod.

"My brother is in jail for grand theft auto...but he didn't want to steal the car." Ryan replies almost desperately as though he needs Sandy to see his brother as more than a criminal. Again Sandy nods his face neutral.

"I'm not sure where my mom is." Ryan's voice is barely a whisper, his mother's abandonment obviously being the most painful facet of his family life. Sandy lets out a breath because what can he possibly say to make the situation even an iota less painful.

"What are their names?" Ryan looks up in confusion. No one had ever cared much beyond the fact they were criminals and deserters.

"Frank, Dawn, my brother's Trey." Ryan replies tentatively trying to figure out Sandy's angle. To his surprise Sandy doesn't have one aside from simply acknowledging that the people in his family are people not just wasted space.

"Atwood time's up." Ryan nods in acknowledgment and turns back to Sandy.

"Well I'll come by on Thursday." Sandy says putting the bag in his briefcase. After a moments hesitation he pulls out a card.

"Here's my card, my home number, if you need something before then ok?"

"You don't have..." A head shake from Sandy stops Ryan's protests mid-sentence and he Ryan curls his fingers around the card accepting the gift.

"See you in a few days kid." Ryan walks a few steps away then stops looking tentatively back to Sandy.

"Mr. Cohen?" Sandy looks up from his briefcase expectantly "You have a really nice family." Ryan blushes to the tips of his ears like he's worried he said too much and ducks his head in embarrassment. Before Sandy can acknowledge the compliment Ryan is halfway across the room not daring to look back.

Sandy sits in his home office staring at the photo of his family. He had begun to take his family's cohesiveness and strength for granted and it took seeing his family through a broken down child's eyes to make him realize what he had been missing.

The front door suddenly slams shut with enough force to jerk Sandy unceremoniously out of his musings.

"Seth we have to talk about this." Kirsten's voice filters through the air but the only response she gets is the slamming of another door. In concern, Sandy goes to the foyer where his wife is leaning heavily on the table.

"What happened?" Sandy asks taking in her dejected looking appearance. With a heavy sigh Kirsten pulls Seth's new Nikes out of a plastic bag. The smell of urine affects Sandy's nostrils and he immediately puts the pieces together.

"The gym teacher caught Luke Ward red-handed." Kirsten says angrily. "I knew he was having some problems but I didn't know it was like this." Kirsten runs a hand over her face tiredly the stress of having to deal with Seth's bullying head on obviously distressing her.

"He hasn't said two words to me since we left Dr. Kim's office and for Seth you know that's a problem." Sandy nods and gives Kirsten a hug letting her settle into his chest for a moment.

"I'll talk to him." Kirsten nods into his chest and Sandy walks up the stairs to Seth's room.

"Seth?" Sandy calls knocking on the door. "It's Dad can I come in."

"Whatever." Sandy groans at the thought that his usually quick witted son has been reduced to the teenage cliché of 'whatever'. Seth stares at the ceiling, Captain Oats balanced on his chest, his eyes flicker to Sandy than back to the ceiling.

"Want to go to the comic book store I need your help with something" Seth raises his eyebrows confusion. His Dad hadn't gone straight for the interrogation? That was odd?

"You need my help with something at a comic book store?" Seth repeats incredulously "Don't you have work to do?" Sandy finally opens his ears to the bitterness he had been trying to ignore over the past few weeks.

"I'm never too busy for you." Sandy says seriously. "One of the kid's I'm working with, it's his birthday on Thursday and I thought a comic book starter pack would be a good present. But I can probably navigate the store by myself." Sandy says standing up.

"Archie comics are still the rage right?" Seth groans and gets out of bed.

"Alright but I'm just doing this for the kid." Sandy nods his assent and Seth follows him down the stairs bypassing Kirsten wordlessly.

"You boys going out?" Kirsten calls after a slight desperation in her voice.

"Guy time, we'll be home by dinner." Kirsten gives Sandy a look, begging him to fix things. Sandy gives her a reassuring smile and follows Seth out the door.

Seth's defensive walls lower slightly as Sandy tells him about Ryan. He even starts asking questions, genuinely interested in the teenage kid he's picking out comic books for. Two hours and a fat stack of comic books later the two boys are back in the car. Instead of turning home Sandy turns to the beach.

"Balboa bar?" Sandy asks knowing the time has come to breach the difficult subject of Seth's bullying.

"It's dinner in like 2 hours."

"We won't tell your mother." Reluctantly Seth follows Sandy from the car knowing the dreaded conversation was looming.

"Did I ever tell you I ran for student body president?" Seth plops on the bench beside his father not really in the mood for another lecture on getting involved in school activities.

"Raging idealism, radical opinions, eyebrows that demand respect...can't say that I'm surprised." Seth quips before taking a bite of his Balboa bar. Sandy chuckles a little before looking out over the ocean remembering his own high school experiences.

"Well I was strong candidate if I do say so myself." Sandy admits. "Or I was until the local skinhead population decided that they didn't want a Jew running their prom."

"Well we are known for being cheap." Seth says wryly trying to lighten the heavy mood that was pending.

"The day before elections they spray painted my locker black with a huge swastika in the middle of it, slit my car's tires, defaced all my campaign posters in ways I don't even want to admit to you." Seth watches his father intently as he finishes his story, surprise and empathy brewing in his stomach.

"The water polo team peed in my shoes." Seth admits even though he is pretty sure his father already knows. "Shoved me in a locker a couple times."

"You're not a big fan of enclosed spaces." Sandy comments nonchalantly even though he is livid over the treatment of his son.

"Yeah no." Seth admits uncomfortably.

"So this is really why you want to go to boarding school?" Sandy comments. "It's not really a deep longing to wear a uniform and experience the New England winters." Seth looks up slightly guilty and gives a shrug.

"I owe you an apology." Sandy continues surprising Seth. "Because I've obviously failed you. I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner, that I can't protect you from this but most importantly I'm sorry I ever made you feel that you couldn't talk to me. Seth I love you unconditionally and without reservation." Sandy exclaims.

"The fact that some pampered, stuck-up, water-polo playing asshole doesn't see that you are an amazing kid doesn't affect my opinion of you in the least ok?" Seth nods mutely and Sandy wraps and arm around Seth's shoulders grateful that the boy allows the contact.

"Do you understand that?" Sandy asks needing to drive the point that his love is unconditional home.

"Yeah."

"Ok second point...boarding school." Seth looks up hopefully the thought of escape an almost permanently on the forefront of his mind.

"For now no." Seth faces falls and he turns miserably back to the ocean. "Kids are mean everywhere Seth and the kids that go to boarding school, they come from money and power just like the kids here so what makes you think they'll be different?" Seth doesn't have an answer because he certainly wasn't considering that in his planning.

"And if things suck there then what? Do you go to a different school? Keep running?" Sandy prods. Again Seth shrugs.

"They win if you do that Seth." Sandy explains. "The decisions you start making now affect the kind of man you are going to become. Do not be the kind of man that runs away, rise above it, ignore it, fight back but don't slink off with your tail between your legs because you are better than that. That being said if, at 15, you still want to go then I promise you your mother and I will discuss it with an open mind ok."

"Promise?" Seth asks hopefully.

"Promise." Sandy sighs putting his arms around Seth again. "You know there is another reason why I don't want you to go to boarding school. You're a great kid who makes me proud every single day. I don't want to miss you growing up in to an amazing man." Seth looks up to Sandy a jumble of emotions vying for position on his face, relief, hope, hurt.

"Come here." Sandy says drawing Seth into a tight hug. "From now on I'll be around more ok?" Seth nods in to his father's shoulder returning the tight hug as a few angry tears of hurt and frustration slip down Seth's face. He wasn't sure what his father would think of him when he knew what really went on at school. His father who always was liked and respected had a son who was ridiculed and despised. The last thing Seth expected was compassion and understanding and the belief that Seth was still somebody worth being proud of.

"I love you." Sandy assures Seth again planting a kiss on Seth's hair. "I love you more than anything in the world."

"I love you too but anything in the world is pushing it you're up there with Captain Oats and Michael Chabon." Sandy laughs and pulls away.

"Come on let's get home before your mother decides to cook something."

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Ryan's thirteenth birthday is about as eventful as every other day he's spent in McClellen. It's not like his expectations were high but the thirteen year old boy in him was secretly hoping that his mother would remember, miss him and swoop in to save him.

"Atwood." Ryan's heart leaps as the guard calls out his name...maybe, just maybe...

"Sandy Cohen is here for you." Ryan feels a rush of disappointment but at the same time a surge of interest and anticipation. Sandy was unlike anyone he had ever met, he was kind, funny, and never got mad but Ryan couldn't help but think that it was too good to be true. Why was Sandy interested in him, a poor kid with a bad family and not even a foster family who wanted him? Doubts still linger in the boys mind as he walks out to the visitor's room.

"Ryan! Happy Birthday!" Sandy exclaims taking Ryan completely aback. He was the first person all day to remember. Ryan looks down at the table to the expensive looking cake staring back at him a candle reading 13 on top.

Sandy watches as Ryan takes in the scene with awe to shocked to do anything but gape, gratitude and excitement shinning in his eyes. After a moment Ryan looks up to Sandy.

"Thank you." His voice is soft and full of poorly restrained amazement. Sandy's heart aches for the kid because this should be expected.

"Well it's a big day you're a teenager now!" Sandy exclaims. Ryan smiles shyly. "Here I got you something." Ryan carefully takes the brightly wrapped present trying to remember the last time he received a present.

"You didn't have to do all this." Ryan clarifies after a moment caught between not wanting to sound ungrateful and not wanting Sandy to think this kind of behaviour was necessary.

"I wanted to." Sandy assures Ryan as he gingerly unwraps the present careful not to rip the paper. A small smile lights Ryan's face as he flips through the comics.

"Seth helped me pick them out." Sandy explains. "He said he'd like to meet you sometime." Ryan looks shocked at the comment.

"I—uhh- I don't know if that's a good idea." Ryan says with a furious blush imagining what Seth would think of a dirty, institutionalized kid when he had so much.

"Tell you what think about it." Sandy says cutting Ryan some cake. "He's a nice kid, you'd like him." Ryan nods and the two eat the cake in companionable silence as Sandy debates the contents of his briefcase.

"Ryan I have something I want to show you." Ryan looks up nervously his face turning to a wall of indifference when Sandy pulls out his file.

"I haven't read it." Sandy promises trying to put Ryan at ease. "I am, technically, not your lawyer and I'm not your social worker reading it would be an invasion of your privacy and I wouldn't do that to you." Truth be told he had to have Kirsten lock the file in her jewellery vault so he wouldn't succumb to temptation.

"I am asking for your permission to read it though. I think I could get you into a good foster home, get you out of this place, pull some strings, but I need something to go on." Ryan looks at Sandy warily not completely convinced he hasn't read it already and fairly certain that that file will change the way Sandy looks at him from here on out.

"Why are you doing this?" Ryan asks softly. The question has been nagging at Ryan ever since his first visit. Why did this man even care? Sandy looks at Ryan for a long moment then sighs.

"Because I can." Sandy says simply. "Because you deserve it."

"So do the other kids in here." Ryan protests. He is no better than the other kids in this place.

"I know that kid and if I could help every kid I would." Sandy admits. "But I know you, or at least I know I'd like to, and I know that I could help you if you'd let me. So will you? Will you let me help you?" Ryan wants to drill into this guy that he doesn't deserve it. That just because Sandy found him shaking in a solitary cell doesn't make him any more deserving than the other kids, that there are younger kids, better kids, softer kids. But Ryan is too damned exhausted and desperate to care about being noble.

"Whatever." Ryan mutters softly looking down at the table not wanting to watch Sandy's face turn to repulsion when he reads over all the failed foster homes.

Sandy flips through the file well aware Ryan is watching him from hooded, wary eyes. It's everything Sandy expects, child abuse, neglect, being passed around from foster home to foster home like a baton. A younger Ryan stares back at him in police photos, a hard stare trying to cover up intense fear and vulnerability. One picture Sandy can clearly see where the tears flowed down the boys face and the image instantly imprints itself in Sandy's brain fully prepared to haunt him throughout the years. Keeping his face carefully neutral Sandy breezes through Ryan's school fires stopping short at Ryan's test scores.

"Ryan! These test scores...98th percentile on your standardized tests." Ryan doesn't meet his eyes obviously too worried about the affect of the rest of the folder. Seeing Ryan's obvious embarrassment Sandy closes Ryan's file and looks at the small, sad boy.

"Kid look at me." Sandy requests softly. Ryan bashfully lifts his eyes to meet Sandy's. "That file is just a file. It's not who you are it's just a record of experiences. You should be proud you made it through ok? Hold your head up." Ryan's eyes are still desperately sad but some of the uneasiness is gone and Sandy smiles reassuringly as Ryan holds his eye contact.

"That's it." Sandy encourages. "I'm going to get you out of here ok?" Ryan feels a waves of relief come over him because it seems like there might be a chance Sandy keeps his promises.

"Ok."

**Please REVIEW**

**Thank you to everyone else who has taken time to review it gives me so much joy and inspiration to read your comments.**

**xoxo**


	4. Chapter 4

"Sandy Cohen speaking." Sandy says quickly as he tries to balance a box of paperwork.

"Sandy Cohen this is Dr. Harris from Harbour Middle." Sandy's blood runs cold as he puts down his stack of files. "Is Seth alright?"

"You're son is fine sir it's nothing like that but he is in some trouble. You're needed in the office immediately." Sandy can't help but let his body sag against the desk in relief.

"Ok thank you." Sandy quickly cancels his appointments for the day and drives to Harbour his initial relief fading into disgruntlement.

When he arrives Kirsten is already in the office whispering sharply to Seth who is repressing a smile. Luke, Chip and some other boy are also in the office, their water polo caps still on. _If these kids messed with his son again_ Sandy thinks with an angry grumble.

"Mr. Cohen, thank you for coming please sit down." Sandy sits beside Seth and throws him a questioning look. Seth just gives a small smile in response.

"Seth would you explain to your father why he is here?" Dr. Harris requests. Sandy turns to his son expectantly.

"I put super glue in some select waterpolo player's cappy things." Seth says trying hard not to smirk. "I was just worried you know they looked so slippery and I'm a hard-core supporter of Harbour Middle's athletic department I didn't want them falling off mid game." Seth rambles cheekily.

"Seth!" Kirsten rebukes sharply.

"Well surely Seth will have to be punished." Sandy says. "I mean I know the school has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to bullying. I would hate to find that any students were slipping between the cracks. God knows what it can do to a kid's self-confidence." Sandy levels Dr. Harris with a hard look.

"Of course if this were to go on Seth's record I would be forced to make sure the school thoroughly investigated Seth's motivation for helping the water polo team." Sandy continues ignoring Kirsten's glare. He knew who Kirsten was in high school, gorgeous, popular, he knows she doesn't understand why Sandy feels more proud than angry and how is willing to go to any length to make sure Seth's self-assertion won't be met with too strong a punishment.

"Of course Mr. Cohen." Dr. Harris says unsteadily. "I think a week's worth of detention and a 2,000 word essay on the effects of bullying on the student population would be appropriate for all parties involved." Dr. Harris continues looking pointedly at the water polo boys who groan audibly.

After a few muttered apologies to parents Seth elects to ride with the much less angry Sandy.

"Somehow I don't think they'll be bothering me anymore." Seth says with a smirk when they reach the car. Sandy tries to suppress a snort but it doesn't work and the two both end up in a momentary fit of laughter.

"I want to make it clear I don't condone this behaviour." Sandy says after they recover from there laughing fit. "But I have to admit I am proud of you for sticking up for yourself." Seth smiles wryly and Sandy ruffles his son's hair. In front of them the Ward family walks to their car, Luke frantically pulling on his swim cap.

"I think I'm going to like Newport." Seth says decisively as he watches the Ward family drive off.

"You know you're grounded right." Sandy clarifies quickly.

"Somehow I think it's worth it."

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Ryan checks over his homework grumpily as he waits for his lunch break to end. He did his best not to make too many friends in here and spends most of his time alone worried that the friendships would only result in a gang membership or a painful separation when one of them got moved.

The bell letting the younger kids out blares and Ryan instinctively looks for Nick, his new shadow, the one friend he couldn't help but make. Instead of bursting out of the classroom filled with energy and nonsense stories Nick is the last of the group walking with a painful limp and downcast eyes. Feeling his stomach churn uncomfortably Ryan urgently gets out of his chair and jogs over to the younger boy.

"Nick." Nick stops and slowly raises his eyes. "Nick what happened to you?" The new hollow look in the boy's eyes tell Ryan the answer.

"No." Ryan says softly. Nick looks down again shame coloring his features.

"Hey, hey, hold your head up alright?" _When did he start channelling Mr. Cohen?_ Ryan gently tilts Nick's chin upward and gives him a small, sad smile.

"Everything will be ok."

"No it won't." Nick says honestly the naivity zapped from his voice. Without a backward glance he walks away, pain evident in his step. Full of sudden rage Ryan storms over to Michael knowing full well he was the only guard to be able to put that look in Nick's eyes.

"He's eight years old you perv." Ryan throws a punch at Michael but the difference in size makes his fists virtually ineffectual. Easily, Michael throws Ryan to the ground zapping him with a tazor. Ryan moans in protests still glaring at the man who had made his own life hell.

"You're lucky Mr. Cohen is here." Michael says through gritted teeth "But afterwards it's you and me in solitary." Michael says with an evil grin causing Ryan's blood to chill and the momentary surge of confidence his anger had given him quickly fades as he scoots away from Michael huddling in to a protective ball.

"Now go tell your precious lawyer friend how well we treat you." Michael snarls jerking Ryan up and pushing him down the hall. By the time Ryan reaches Sandy he is chalk full of fear, anger and a dark sadness he feels won't ever go away. He wasn't able to protect the one person who relied on him for safety.

"Ryan, hey." Sandy says looking up briefly from a document. "Come, sit I have good—" Sandy stops short when he looks back up at Ryan. The boy isn't crying or showing any other signs of something being wrong other then the trembling that is cursing through the boy's whole body.

"Ryan? Hey what's wrong?" Sandy asks in concern immediately forgetting about the placement he found for Ryan and the excitement he had moments ago. Ryan looks up at Sandy his eyes dancing with emotion. Sandy gets up and walks to Ryan's side of the table ignoring the fact that the boy immediately tenses up. Ryan realizes that nothing is going to happen and relaxes minutely, tears beginning to build up in his eyes.

"Kid whatever it is you can tell me." Sandy promises softly. "I can help you." Ryan looks at Sandy swallowing hard.

"Why?" Ryan exclaims almost desperately. "I don't deserve it this I didn't even ask for your help. I'm not the kid you should be helping." Ryan yells in frustration.

"Ryan that is not – " A tear spills on to Ryan's cheek and Sandy resists the urge to pull the kid in to a hug.

"You want to help a kid you want to make a difference? There is a kid here named Nick Valentino." Ryan blinks back more tears boarding on desperation. "He is a young kid, a good kid. He can still be saved Mr. Cohen. He's not irreparably damaged and he's smart too."

"Ryan, honey..." Sandy starts to soothe startled by this uncharacteristic outburst

"I'm not worth it Mr. Cohen and I'm not leaving here 'till he does." Ryan says calming himself slightly.

"Ryan I hear what you're saying ok?" Sandy says calmly not wanting to upset the distraught boy further. "I'll do what I can for Nick ok? Barry is handling the kids under 9 so he's probably already on his radar but I promise I'll put a word in." Ryan nods, calmed by Sandy's promise.

"Ok but kid I need you to tell me what happened." Sandy says gently but firmly. Ryan shakes his head negatively the hysteria beginning to creep back up into him.

"Ryan it's just me." Sandy says gently putting a gently hand on the boy's shoulder. "You can trust me kid." Ryan looks up at Sandy millions of different emotions swirling in his eyes and a thin sheen of moisture beginning to build up.

"Atwood! 5 minutes." Sandy grimaces at the guard's timing as Ryan looks down, any intent to tell the institutions secrets gone.

"I'm sorry." Ryan whispers not daring to look at Sandy.

"What? Ryan you have nothing to be sorry for." Sandy reassures quickly.

"I'm sorry I'm not who you thought I was." Ryan says tears coming to his eyes and breaking Sandy's heart.

"The truth is Mr. Cohen I-I'm not good like you think I am. I'm sorry you wasted your time on a kid like me, that you thought I was something worth fighting for..." Ryan stiffs and Sandy aches to tell the boy how wrong he is but knows better than to not listen to Ryan when he decides to talk.

"I'm sorry because I know you wanted to be able to do something nice and you have, no one's ever been this nice to me. It's not your fault it's mine I let you think I was a something good but I'm not. I'm sorry I disappointed you." The kid is bordering on full blown hysteria and Sandy is so dumbstruck he doesn't even know where to begin.

"Ryan, honey stop. Stop." Sandy insists cutting off the boy's rapid fire apologies by putting his hands on the boy's shoulders and gently shaking him.

"You are something worth fighting for Ryan and I am not wasting my time." Sandy's eyes lock on to Ryan's begging the younger boy to believe him.

"Atwood time!" Ryan shakes his head softly.

"Mr. Cohen wanting to helping me was a mistake but helping Nick, that'll be the good thing you want to do." Ryan insists before fleeing from the room leaving Sandy to stare at the swinging door wondering what the hell just happen. The basically silent little boy had basically just let out 12 years worth of insecurity and self-doubt, acerbic by-products of the years of abuse and neglect. Pained at the sheer brokenness of the young boy Sandy rests his face in his hands letting his own anguished, frustrated tears slip out. As always he was a day late and a dollar short.

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"Honey remember when we were thinking about fostering." Kirsten's fork stops half-way to her mouth and she puts it down with a sigh. Ever since Sandy's last visit with Ryan he has been a whirlwind of desperation she has never seen before.

"Sandy we are not fostering Ryan." Kirsten says firmly. Sandy looks up at her and she is instantly reminded of Seth pleading for a new video game.

"Sandy when we were thinking of foster we were in our 20s, Seth was like 4 and neither of us had all-consuming jobs." Kirsten says exasperation tingeing her voice.

"Think of how hard the adjustment would be for Seth, for all of us." Kirsten says with a headshake. "No way Sandy." Sandy sighs heavily and nods before returning to the office to make some more calls.

"Hey Dad?" Sandy looks up and smiles tiredly at Seth.

"Hey kiddo. How's it going?" Seth sinks into the chair opposite Sandy and Sandy smiles to himself. Over the last week and a bit Seth and Sandy had become increasingly close, something Ryan's soft observations were to thank for.

"Good can you deliver this to Ryan." Sandy looks up in shock. "He stopped responding to emails like 3 days ago and he says sometimes computer privileges or whatever get revoked so I just want him to know I know he still exists. I mean how could we forget in this house?" Seth says with a smile. It's true; Ryan is a common family topic.

"You and Ryan email? How did that even happen?"

"I wrote my email in the back of one of the comics. He emailed, I replied, and the rest they say is history." Sandy nods dumbly, still in shock.

"Seems cool." Seth pauses for a moment then pulls something out of his bag. "So I was on this website says you can like rent kids. I think we should rent Ryan." Sandy smirks a little.

"You mean foster?" Seth looks at the webpage then nods.

"Yeah I mean, I want a brother, you and Mom always wanted another kid, and they have communal showers in those places." Seth continues with a shiver.

"You don't even know him." Sandy says incredulously.

"I'm an impulsive shopper plus you like him. I trust your judgement." Sandy smiles at his son.

"Yeah, I do to."

**PLS REVIEW...and if you haven't already plz check out my other story Young Ryan if you want as well**


	5. Chapter 5

Kirsten may have put the brakes on the Sandy and Seth's brilliant fostering plan but that doesn't mean Sandy has forgotten about Ryan. The child's voice haunts his dreams hysterically explaining that he is worthless and apologizing for catching Sandy's attention. For all of Sandy's efforts he has just made the situation worse not better.

He did give Ryan's spot to Nick. He only met the kid once but the little boy's sweetness and his smile were infectious. He reminds Sandy of what Ryan might have been like a few years earlier.

"Hey Mr. Cohen wait up." Sandy turns to see Dave, the burly security guard who had been feeding Sandy and Barry information about the institution, running towards him.

"Hey Dave." Sandy offers with a tired smile. He's not sure how much more heartbreak he can take today.

"Mr Cohen I got some information for you." Tiredly, Sandy rubs his eyes and nods.

"Thanks Dave but I've –"

"It's about Ryan." Sandy immediately stops walking into the building and urgently turns to face Dave. He hasn't been about to make contact with the boy since he had ran away in tears days earlier. Ryan had always refused to see him or had been in some form of activity. Sandy didn't by it, not with all the information he had against the institution.

Half-way through Dave's story Sandy is paled and sick. No one has seen the boy in four days. Nick was beside himself. Something was wrong.

The hallway to solitary seems even more dark and horrifying than the first time Sandy went there. It's dank and mouldy, and Sandy can't outlaw it because, technically, it's legal. Dave unlocks the door to the little room and Sandy's eyes flick around until they settle on to Ryan's shivering form.

The boy is pale, shaking and sick. He curls into the corner when he hears the door open, a heartbreaking whimper leaving escaping his lips.

"Ryan!" The volume of Sandy's voice echoes across the room creating an ominous effect. Ryan curls further into himself, frightened. Sandy's mind reels with questions. All he can hope for is that he hasn't been like this for long, sick, scared, alone.

"Ryan, buddy it's Sandy." Ryan's eyes slide open almost involuntarily at the intrusion of Sandy's hand in his hair. His forehead is warm, too warm. In the background Sandy can hear Dave calling the paramedics. Sandy jolts forward as Ryan's eyes drift close again.

"Ryan, Ryan! Kid I need you to stay awake for me ok." Ryan reluctantly looks back to Sandy who smiles reassuringly.

"That's it you're doing great. Can you tell me what hurts?" Sandy's fingers hover uncertainly over Ryan's prone body, wanting to offer relief but not make the situation worse.

"Stomach." Ryan's words are terse, pain-filled, and so scared. The looks in his eye is skittish, he's not sure if he can trust Sandy, not with this.

"Alright you're going to be ok. I'm going to take a little look alright?" The whole situation is making Sandy freak out but he s fighting to stay calm. Ryan needs someone steady, solid. As gently as possible Sandy eases the blanket off, swallowing hard when he sees a swollen bruised abdomen, obviously kicked and stepped on.

"Oh kid." Sandy whispers in horrified fascination. Ryan looks at him for a moment than swallows hard in pain, letting his head fall to the ground as tears fall to his eyes.

"You're gonna be alright now I promise." Ryan seems to be just registering he is in pain his hands clenched in desperate fists. Desperate to do something, anything to relieve the boy's anguish Sandy uncurls one of Ryan's fists and slips his hand in to Ryan's sweaty, shaking one.

"Hurts." Ryan whispers looking in to Sandy's eyes pleadingly. The simple word penetrates somewhere deep into Sandy's heart.

"I know sweetheart." His reply is quickly cut off by the entrance of paramedics and moments later Sandy is shoved in an ambulance, holding Ryan's hand and whispering platitudes he wasn't sure he believed.

A few hours later Kirsten is uncertainly walking through the broad double doors of the paediatric wing her heels clicking intrusively on the linoleum. She's not 100% sure why she's here in the first place. Two hours ago she got a semi-hysterical phone call from Sandy about Ryan being hurt and sick. Her husband's attachment to the little boy crossed the careful personal/professional line Sandy always managed to implement when we works with children. This child has broken through every single one of Sandy's walls and Kirsten knows her husband will be devastated if anything bad happens.

The Chino paediatric wing is small and she strides around the halls with false certainty until she finds her husband, slumped on a waiting room chair holding the pale hand of a little boy. Even though Kirsten knew that Ryan's life wasn't all sunshine and roses she can't help but be abruptly shocked at how sick he looks. There are multiple IVs running through him and one of those annoying nose breather tubes that always reminded Kirsten of her mother when she died. Kirsten shakes that thought and tentatively enters the room.

"Sandy?" Sandy looks up at her with tired eyes and rumbled suit that has a blood stain on the side. If she thought Ryan looked bad Sandy looks like hell.

"Kirsten?" The surprise in his voice is evident as he comes up and hugs her. "What are you doing here?" Good question.

"You sounded like you could use some moral support." Kirsten replies with a small shrug. She hadn't heard Sandy sound so distraught since Seth broke his arm skateboarding.

"How is he?" Kirsten continues after a lame silence. Truthfully when she initially came to the hospital it had been in single-minded concern for her husband. Ryan was still an idea, a symbol for her husband's bleeding heart politics. But it's impossible to see someone so young so hurt and be ambivalent. Sandy sighs and rubs his face.

"Malnourished, dehydrated, blood loss and has the flu on top of that." Sandy rubs a thumb over Ryan's hand as he talks as if that simple motion could cure the illnesses. Sandy yawns and Kirsten can hear is stomach rumble and she suddenly remembers what she's here to do.

"Sandy, honey, get something to eat, buy a new shirt and splash some water on your face." Sandy opens his mouth to protest but Kirsten quickly cuts him off.

"My guess is that Ryan is going to need you to have your game face on when he wakes up." She's about to add that he looks like a worried parent but Kirsten doesn't want to touch that sensitive area.

"Go on I'll stay with him." Reluctantly Sandy releases the boy's hand.

Kirsten regrets her decision to tell Sandy to leave almost instantly. She doesn't know this boy, doesn't have any connection to him. It feels almost like a violation of his privacy to meet him when he's like this. The boy's face contorts slightly in discomfort, maybe he senses Sandy is no longer there, maybe he's frightened. Quietly Kirsten calls for a nurse.

"He's asleep not sedated." The nurse says with a chipper voice. "Talk to him. A familiar voice will be a comfort." Kirsten tries not to laugh at that, a familiar voice. It's not her voice he's craving, her touch will bring him no comfort.

Kirsten sits beside him trying to look past the injuries. He's handsome in a scruffy sort of way, too thin but more muscular than Seth. His arms are dotted with scars, some jagged, some smooth and circular. Before she can stop herself she is delicately tracing the line of a tiny, puffy scar. The feel of the marred flesh takes her breath away. Touch is such an intimate sense. The moment that she touches his arm he is no longer R. ATWOOD, Sandy's bleeding heart obsession he is Ryan Atwood, a living breathing human being, a child.

Slowly Kirsten trails her finger down to his hand smiling slightly when the hand curls slightly around hers. Feeling a pair of eyes on her she turns to where Sandy is standing in the doorframe looking slightly bemused.

"He was restless." Kirsten says defensively almost leaping out of the chair. Sandy's lips quirk into a smile before he kisses her on the cheek.

"The doctor's said he should be waking up soon." Sandy whispers softly, running a hand through the dirty blonde hair.

"He should be good to go then which is good. Kid hates hospitals." Kirsten nods slowly looking at Ryan's shuttered eyes. She wondered if he was blue eyed, it seemed like it from his pale complexion but one could never tell.

"Where's he gonna go?" Sandy shrugs almost pathetically taking Ryan's hand back in his.

"Back to McClellan I guess, maybe the social worker can find him a group home." Kirsten expected Sandy to be on the phone with every contact he had begging them to take the boy in. Surely there was something better out there.

"Back? But that's where he got hurt in the first place." It is like every flaw in the system is exemplified in this little boy. Sandy looks up sadly at Kirsten's words.

"Yeah I know but there's nowhere else for him to go right?" Sandy gives her a piercing look, testing her. Kirsten swallows hard looking back to Ryan's broken form.

"Right." Sandy gives a disappointed huff and mentions something about a doctor. Kirsten knows he just needs time away from her she should probably leave. Ryan suddenly swifts in the hospital bed an uncomfortable groan escaping his lips. Kirsten realizes with a start that he's waking up and looks desperately around for Sandy who is off moping. Summoning her strength and her best mom voice Kirsten determinedly sits on the edge of the bed and softly rests a hand on his shoulder.

"Ryan?" His long eyelashes flutter briefly against his cheeks.

"Wake up Ryan." The eyelids flutter open to reveal piercing blue eyes, dull with pain, exhaustion and drugs but still curious, awake.

"Mrs. Cohen?" Ryan's voice is worn out from something, Kirsten vaguely wonders if it was screaming, and his eyes are swimming with confusion and sadness. He's so young.

"Nice to meet you Ryan." Kirsten replies with a warm smile trying to cover her own uncertainty.

"Sandy's just ran out to the washroom he'll be back in a moment." Ryan nods hazily not quite sure what is going on and obviously exhausted. When Ryan imagined meeting Kirsten he imagined sounding smart and funny, a good kid like her son. The last thing from his mind was her seeing him disgusting and beat-up in a hospital bed. The thought alone makes his face redden.

"Oh." Kirsten smiles suddenly more comfortable seeing his anxiety.

"Get some sleep honey everything's ok." Ryan manages a half-nod trying to fight against his heavy eyelids. After a moment his mouth is agape and a soft snore is accompanying him. Momentarily forgetting herself Kirsten lets her hand rest on his soft cheek. She's about to pull away when his head unconsciously lolls over, pinning her hand to the bed. The unexpected intimacy of the gesture takes Kirsten by surprise but she makes no effort to free her hand.

"The weekend." Kirsten finally says with determination when Sandy comes back in. Disbelieving Sandy gives her a look of confusion.

"He can stay the weekend."

**Hey everyone sorry I haven't been writing it's been a crazy couple months I'm going to catch up on all my stories though my Young Ryan muse seems to be off eating cupcakes so that might be the last one.**

**Hope you all are well and hope that you didn't take any lack of updating personally**

**as always please leave any REVIEWS you may have. Flames are always welcome.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

Ryan feels like Little Orphan Annie when she walks in to that rich dude's house. Not that he is a big musical fan but one of the girls at some group home used to sing that tomorrow song over and over again. It didn't make him feel good then and the comparison doesn't do much for him now.

He's lying in bizarrely high thread-count sheets with a large duvet swallowing him. For the first time in a long time he doesn't feel cold. Sandy took the day of work, said he had nothing important to do but Ryan could hear him arguing with some guy through the phone about family emergencies and rescheduling.

The lawyer again has exceeded his expectations. A large glass of orange juice sits by his bedside and Sandy had brought in a stack of Seth's comic books in case he woke up. He had thought to lower the blinds and take his temperature, no one ever did these things for him. On his worst days Ryan figured he wasn't worth the effort. Those worst days were happening more and more now. The gentle knock on the door startles him.

"Uhm...come in." Ryan says uncomfortably. It's their house they shouldn't have to knock. Kirsten opens the door unsteadily trying to balance the tray. Instantly Ryan jumps up to help her. Kirsten looks briefly surprised.

"Thank you Ryan but I've got it. Why don't you get back in bed?" Ryan obeys quickly, unsure of what she's doing.

"I thought you might be hungry." There is an uncertainty in her expression, a wariness. Ryan doesn't blame her. If he was an amazingly rich with the picture perfect life he wouldn't want some poor, dirty kid spoiling everything either.

"Thank you. You didn't have to do all this." Ryan says, almost as uncomfortable as Kirsten.

"Well Rosa made the soup. I'm not much of a cook." Kirsten adds on a smile at the end of the statement but the line falls flat. The soup was fancy looking. Real chunks of chicken swam with large pieces of fresh vegetables, not the watered down kind.

"Do you not like chicken? I'm sure there is something else... " Kirsten trails off mistaking Ryan's shock and wonderment for disinterest. Immediately Ryan's head shoots up.

"No, no thank you this great. Thank you." Ryan takes a huge bite and it's, really friggin hot, but also really friggin good. Kirsten smiles genuinely at that but the smile disappears as the room lapses in to awkward silence.

"I'll uhm leave you to it then." Kirsten says uncomfortably twisting a platinum wedding ring around her polished finger. "Don't worry about the tray I'll come back for it and my son Seth should be home soon. He can be a little....excitable." Ryan nods slowly taking in her hurried nervous instructions.

"Thank you." God he needs to come up with something more to say. Kirsten nods stiffly then leaves the room leaving Ryan with his amazingly good soup and fresh orange juice. He feels bad for not finishing the first glass and quickly drains it before polishing off the soup.

XOXO

"You must be Ryan." Ryan hazily blinks awake to find a brown, curly haired kid sitting on the edge of his bed. _Seth _Ryan realizes abruptly.

"Wanna play some video games?" Seth's voice breaks a little and the kid flushes. Ryan immediately likes him.

"Sure"

Ryan expected Seth to be different. The kid from the emails was funny and clever so Ryan isn't surprised when Seth is equally as eccentric but he expected more hesitancy. He expected Seth to judge him, a pauper in King's clothes, but Seth didn't care. He didn't ask about McClellan or why Ryan's face was black and blue or why he had nowhere but his lawyer's place to live. For a kid who claimed to be socially awkward he is actually quite tactful.

Kirsten calls them in for take-out an hour or so later. Seth is rambling about some hot chick named Summer when they walk into the kitchen. Sandy has Kirsten up against a counter as he pecks her gently.

"OH god we have company. This is why I never have any friends over." Seth whines throwing open the refrigerator door. Kirsten pulls back instantly when she sees Ryan smacking her head on the counter.

"Ow!" Kirsten rubs her head, flustered. "I'm so sorry Ryan." Kirsten looks genuinely mortified and Ryan can't help a small, amused smile.

"Don't worry about it." Ryan says softly before darting his eyes to the table. The amount of food on the table could feed all the kids at McClellan.

There is a pleasantness Ryan wasn't expecting. Seth and Sandy rapidly exchange barbs and stories both talking over each other loudly. Kirsten is quieter. She's the one who fascinates Ryan the most. Sometimes she smiles in a way that not even Trey could doubt her sincerity. Other times her eyes are cool and distant, uncertain. He's not sure how to feel about her and he's pretty sure she feels the same.

"You ok kid?" Ryan jerks his head up from where he is watching the fading city lights on the Cohen's balcony.

"Sorry." Ryan says immediately. He doesn't want Sandy to think he's casing the house. Sandy sits down beside Ryan. He looks more at ease here , in a baggy shirt and sweat pants.

"Nothing to be sorry for I love this spot." The silence that follows is comfortable. The gentle hum of the pool filter and the odd shriek of a child the only sound.

"Sandy? What's going to happen to me?" Ryan asks softly. Sandy looks at the nervous little boy beside him trying to suss out if he means in life or in the next few days. His eyes are still sunken and his skin still pale from sickness. Wrapped in one of Sandy's sweaters he looks smaller than he is, fragile.

"I don't know kid." Sandy says softly before hesitantly running a hand along Ryan's back, squeezing the tense shoulder in commiseration.

"But I promise whatever happens you are not in this alone. I'm going to make sure everything works out." Ryan looks up to meets Sandy's eyes which are dark with sincerity. He may not believe that promise from anyone else but he believes Sandy.

"Yeah ok....thanks." Sandy gives Ryan's shoulder one final squeeze before quietly heading inside leaving Ryan to his thoughts.

XOXO

"Mr. Atwood. I'd say it's a pleasure to see you again but you know I hate to lie." Ryan looks up to the sympathetic eyes of Grace Harvell , his social worker. Many people blamed the social workers for the systems many flaws but, truthfully, they tried their best. It wasn't their fault they have a billion cases not enough houses and 5 billion feet of red tape.

"Hey Grace."

"Let me look at you kid." Grace says gently tilting his head up sighing heavily at the bruises and the pallor. She gently lets go before looking Ryan in the, cupping his cheek gently.

"This isn't your fault." She says like she always does before giving him a long hug. Grace is the only person who gives Ryan big, warm full hugs. He tries not to sigh with pleasure or totally melt into his arms. As if she knows she hugs him a little bit tighter not letting go until he relaxes slightly.

"Come on let's go talk to the Cohen's ok?" Ryan nods with a small smile and lets her pull him in to the kitchen where Sandy and Kirsten are waiting for him.

"Well I've found a placement." Grace finally says after a few moments of polite small talk.

"Wells Group Home." There is an apology in Grace's voice as she looks at Ryan. Ryan can feel himself staring at the counter, unwilling to meet the sympathy in Grace's eyes. Wells was one of the stricter group homes where many of the problem kids were sent. Ryan never went but he heard stories.

"Ryan sweetheart, it's just temporary." Grace promises softly forcing him to meet her eyes. Everything is just temporary.

"Well it's the weekend Grace why don't you take him over tomorrow? He can stay with us today he's already settled." Ryan feels Sandy's hand rest protectively on his shoulder. He's just delaying the inevitable.

"Wells is it...nice?" Kirsten asks uncertainly looking at Grace who gives an unconvincing smile.

"It'll be just fine." Kirsten responds with a tight smile before looking back at Ryan. Ryan can feel his face flush and he turns away before Kirsten can read the emotions in his eyes.

"I tell you what you and Seth go down to the pier, get some new clothes some books anything you need make a day of it." Kirsten says as if there is something she needs to make up for.

"No thank you. I can't accept that." Ryan says when she hands him a large wad of bills. Surprise flickers on Kirsten's softened face and she brushes his bangs out of his eyes with a fond look on her face before catching herself and retracting the hand.

"Of course you can now go." She curls his hand around the stack of bills and pats his cheek as he hesitantly turns to go to Seth who is too busy glaring at his parents to take the cue.

"Come on Ryan." Seth says after a long moment, slinging an arm almost protectively around the boy's shoulders and leading him out of the kitchen.

Kirsten watches them go before turning around to Sandy her face slightly pale and nervous.

"Wells...it's safe right. You weren't just saying that he'll be ok?" Kirsten took enough psych classes in college to know that most kids who have been what Ryan's been through would have shut down, turned to drugs, gotten mean or hard. Ryan is still genuine, still tries to prove he's a good person. Kirsten doesn't want him to go anywhere that would put a soul like that at risk. Sandy and Grace try to convince her and themselves that they aren't making a huge mistake. It doesn't go well. Kirsten's hesitant both about allowing Ryan to stay and allowing him to go. Sandy just wants to scoop the boy up and take away every hurt. The telephone blares breaking the tense conversation.

"Hello?"

"Dad. Ryan's gone."

**A/N I really love this story for some reason so it will be finished. I actually already had it written and then my computer crashes so rewritting all those chapters is kind of depressing hahaha. I promise it'll happen.**

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	7. Chapter 7

At first running away seemed like a brilliant idea. Ryan's been taking care of himself his entire life he doesn't need Grace or the Cohen's or anyone else looking after him. He certainly doesn't need to go to Wells where there are too many kids, too many rules and not nearly enough space. At least on the street he has space. Somewhere on the streets he knows there is Trey. Trey who promised to come back for Ryan when he turned 19. But Trey turns 19 in four years and Ryan can't wait that long. Ryan is cold, always hungry, always lonely and still too sick to do much but curl up in some spot out of the rain. Kirsten's money is enough to keep him in cheap food for a few more days but he's not sure what to do after that. He really needs Trey, not just that but he wants his brother too, the steadiness Trey always offered. Before the system split them out Trey always made sure Ryan had food, was warm, tried to make him as happy as humanly possible.

It's the twelve day Ryan is on the street when he finally meets someone who knows someone who knows Trey. This leads Ryan to a dark warehouse, abandoned, probably condemned. At first Ryan's nervous. He doesn't know what kind of shit Trey got himself into but judging from the look of the warehouse it's not good.

"You coming kid?" Trey's friend's friend asks taking a deep drag from a fledging cigarette. Ryan gives a tight nod and follows. What does he really have left to lose.

The warehouse has about ten kids in it. Most of them are old but a few young ones latch on to older siblings. There is no electricity but a small candle flickers in the middle of the room where a small group of teenagers play poker. It's then that Ryan sees him. There's more age in the slope of his shoulders, longer hair, the beginning of a beard covers a sharp jaw line. The figure feels his eyes and looks up to meet his gaze.

"Ryan?" Trey says almost reverently tossing his cards in the middle before limping over to his brother. Trey's left side is covered in burns and he can barely put weight on his left leg but before Ryan can ask his brother is pulling him into a hug that is as hard and rough as it is gentle and loving. The fact that Ryan's cold, hungry and sick melt away because he's no longer alone.

"You ok?" Trey rumbles, his voice deeper with emotion and age. Ryan grips his brother tightly, nodding against Trey's boney collar bone and, for the first time in a long time, lets a sob bubble up.

It's been a month since Ryan went missing. Sandy insists it's not Kirsten's fault but Seth barely looks at her anymore and she knows, deep down, that if the men in the house had had their way they'd be filing adoption papers instead of missing person's reports. Kirsten turns down another street, closed warehouses, teenagers smoking in stairwells, prostitutes stumbling around on street corners. Kirsten's gotten to know Chino a lot better this past month. There are a few children's shelters some underground others publicly funded. Kirsten has checked almost all of them. It turns out that $200 bucks is enough to break any vow of silence around hear.

Kirsten pulls up at the warehouse. It may be the middle of the day but Sandy would still kill her if he knew what she was doing. She now routinely supplies all the other 'youth shelters' with blankets, food and money. She's surprised at the goodness of some of the children, the potential that is dying slowing. For the first time she really understands Sandy's anger, his frustration. Sighing she grabs food and clothes out the trunk in the back. Ryan won't be here, he never is, but she won't leave these kids with nothing.

"Hello" Kirsten says tentatively knocking on the doorframe. "I'm not a cop. I'm not with Children's Services." The room is empty but she can smell cigarette smoke and notices wet clothing hanging from rafters to dry.

"Please I just - " Kirsten swallows this isn't going to do anything. "Ok there's some stuff here and some phone numbers." Kirsten says hearing nothing but her voice echo before she turns around and prepares to leave.

"Do you have medicine?" The voice catches Kirsten off guard and she almost jumps out of her skin. A painful looking burn covers more than half of the teenager's face and he's thin, too thin. Surprising though his eyes are clear, marred only with concern not drugs.

"Some." Kirsten answers moving slowly towards the box. The tall teen takes a step back in response. Kirsten riffles through to find some Tylenol, band-aids and low-dose meds she wasn't crazy about giving children medicine without an adult to monitor the doses but lots of them were in pain and she couldn't justify leaving them with nothing.

"Those look painful." Kirsten says gently as the boy reaches to touch his scarred face but thinks better of it.

"I'm not looking for me. I'm looking for my brother. He's sick." This is the most honest conversation Kirsten's had with one of the street kids and she can't decide if that's just who this kid is or if the teenager is so desperate that his usual defences are down. Either answer gives her an opening.

"Can I look at him? Maybe I can help." The teenager stares at her, not responding. "I'm Kirsten. It's ok I'm not going to hurt you." She promises. The boy stiffens and rolls her eyes and Kirsten realizes that she's just talked down to him.

"Whatever." The boy says his eyes darting to the back. "He's back here." Kirsten follows Trey through a large wooden door to a smaller room that must have, at one time, been an office. All that's in it now are blankets, a thin mattress and...Kirsten feels her heart plummet to her stomach.

"Ryan." She breathes in disbelief. He's sick all right, pale and sweating, the room smells of urine and vomit and the blankets do nothing to stop his shivering.

"You know Ryan?" Trey's voice is nearly leathel. Adults have led them to this situation Kirsten can't blame him for being defensive.

"My husband was a lawyer. He - Ryan stayed with us for a while. We've been looking..." Kirsten trails off as she kneels down beside the violently ill child. The older brother, Trey he reluctantly introduces introduces himself as, has done the best job. A wet t-shirt is strewn over Ryan's forehead and all the blankets are used as either a make-shift bed or are covering Ryan.

"He needs a hospital." Kirsten says finally trying to ignore her own guilt for the moment as she lays a hand over Ryan's rapidly beating heart.

"We can't." Trey says simply kneeling beside his brother. Kirsten feels an irrational spurt of anger at Trey. He's fifteen he should have known that this was more serious than blankets and a cold compress.

"He needs a doctor." Kirsten insists firmly gently shaking Ryan's shoulder. Glassy eyes open up to meet hers and hazy comprehension draws.

"Mrs. Cohen?" Ryan slurs trying to blink past the confusion.

"Hey sweetie we're gonna get you out of here ok? Can you stand up for me?" Ryan licks his lips before trying to stand on his rubbery legs, Kirsten taking the majority of his weight.

"Trey?" Ryan croaks out his haziness turning to panic. "Trey?" Ryan turns his head around and before Kirsten can reassure him Trey is on Ryan's other side taking the majority of the smaller boy's weight and mumbling something into Ryan's ear.

Ryan relaxes slightly and lets Trey lead him out of the drafty warehouse to the car. Trey's own limp makes the process slow and painful looking but Kirsten doesn't want frighten Ryan. Soon the smaller boy is wrapped in a blanket from Kirsten's trunk and pulled up against, half-asleep, against his big brother.

Ryan is nearly as pale as white cold compress on his forehead. The only sound in the room is a soft, steady beep of a heart monitor. An oxygen mask takes up the lower half of Ryan's face and an IV drips steadily into an exposed vein. In the chair beside the bed Trey is curled into an uncomfortably small hospital chair, exhaustion clear on his features.

It had been the guilt that had originally spurred Kirsten into finding Ryan. She hadn't wanted the little boy in her house. She had been too cold, too clinical and her fear and prejudices had caused nothing but pain not only for Ryan but for her family. All she can feel now is the determination to make it right.

"Kirsten?" The sound of her name jerks her out of her daze and she turns around to see Sandy. Sandy doesn't see her though, his eyes are only for the small, pale lump in the bed.

"Ryan." Sandy whispers walking over to the bed hesitating only a moment before covering Ryan's hand with his own.

"How's he doing?" They had been at the hospital almost an hour before Kirsten had thought through the situation and remembered to call Sandy. He had sped out of his office as fast as he could.

"They're running tests right now to be sure but the doctor thinks it's pneumonia." Kirsten whispers from her chair. The whisper causes the teenager on the chair across from her to jerk awake, panic on his face before immediately dialling it back to callous neutrality.

"You must be Trey." Trey tightens his jaw before giving a small nod. He keeps his head slightly turned to the side as if he is subconsciously trying to hide the waxy burned skin that covers his left side.

"Ryan's told me a lot about you." Sandy continues a reassuring smile on his face. "It's nice to finally meet you." Sandy sticks out his hand a waits until Trey hesitantly reaches out his own burned one and carefully shakes Sandy's outstretched hand.

"Ryan says you helped him out some...thanks." Trey's voice is barely a whisper and he ducks his eyes from Sandy's with a shy smile. All Kirsten had been able to get out of Trey in the past two hours was a few grumbled responses and a glare. She's never had a way with kids the way her husband has.

Sandy nods at Trey before sitting beside Ryan settling a hand in the boy's hair and looking at him for a long moment.

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	8. Chapter 8

"Atwood, Trey Atwood." There is an edge of exasperation in Sandy's voice as he explains the situation to the third social worker he's been transferred to. A drip of coffee spills on his shirt and he huffs and begins to scrub it out in annoyance. Sandy had drawn the blinds in Ryan's room earlier to keep out the bright light and let the boy sleep and now he's lost all sense of time.

"One or two T's." Sandy is pretty sure he is going to hurt someone. Ryan's cold evolved into vicious bacterial pneumonia after spending weeks sleeping in a draftee warehouse or on the street. The kid is only semi-conscious half the time and these are the people that created this situation.

"I'll send the files over." The woman says with more than a little discomfort. Sandy had shamelessly used Barry's name to get Trey's file. He wasn't a huge advocate of judging children based on a few pieces of official looking paper but he can't stop staring at the burns, can't stop wondering why the boy ran away or why at, thirteen, before having a license, he stole a car. Sandy doesn't know the whole story and he hates that. A moan ekes out from the body beside him.

"Ryan?" Ryan whimpers again this time rolling his head towards Sandy, his eyes still closed. Sandy rests a hand on Ryan's cheek dismayed at the heat it's radiating. Ryan sighs at the cool touch and Sandy can't help built smile slightly.

"It's ok buddy." Sandy's not sure if it's the drugs or his reassurances that cause Ryan to calm back down but either way the hold the child has on Sandy's heart is beginning to tighten.

xxx

Trey's still trying to wrap his head around the fact that he doesn't have to sleep on the floor of a warehouse when Kirsten starts to drive up the the coast the mansions increasing in size. It's then that Trey gets nervous cause maybe some middle class folk who go above and beyond in their job is believable but there's no way in hell that these rich people are legit. The mansion is huge and Trey tries not to gasp as he follows Kirsten in to the foyer.

"Are you hungry, thirsty?" Kirsten asks after a moment.

"No m'am." Trey replies after a moment. He's not gonna fuck this up for his brother. On the off chance these rich people don't have some ulterior motive and really want to help Ryan out then he doesn't really care what happens to him. Kirsten nods uncomfortably.

"I'll show you your room." His room? Trey follows Kirsten to a brightly painted guest bedroom. A huge king-sized bed lies in the middle of the room and Trey almost salivates with anticipation. Ryan had been pretty sick off the bat and Trey had stayed up most nights trying to make sure that he was safe and their few meagre possessions weren't getting jacked. It's been so long since he's had a good sleep.

"I put some of Sandy's things in here for you. The pyjamas might be a little long but we can get new ones tomorrow." Kirsten fiddles with her wedding rings and Trey wonders if he's making her nervous. He makes people a lot more nervous now that his face is burned and he hit a growth spurt.

"You can check my bag if you want." Trey offers. He doesn't want her to think he's trouble when she's centrally Ryan's medical decisions. Kirsten's eyes fly open and she blushes at the bluntness of the question.

"No, no of course not that's..that's ok." Kirsten stammers and Trey's not sure but he's pretty sure he just made the situation works. He's not good at this stuff most people don't bother talking to him especially people like her.

"Feel free to use the shower, make yourself at home."

"Yes m'am" Trey responds realizing just then how gross her probably looks not to mention smells. The shower's a good one that doesn't spit and actually has constant decent water pressure. His burned skin is no sensitive to take the bullets of water raining down but he manages to get clean anyways gritting his teeth the few times his skin flares up.

"Get your ass up you peice of shit. Think you can talk back to me."

Trey shuts his eyes against the memory as his hand trails across his skin. He's suddenly exhausted when he reaches out and grabs an over-priced fluffy towel that feels like pure heaven as he wraps it around himself. The lawyer and his wife had been nicer than he expected and they seemed to really care about Ryan going so far as to not leave the boy alone at the hospital. Anyone who cared about Ryan was good enough for Trey. With a yawn Trey crawls into bed trying not to sigh at the mix of clean sheets, expensive mattresses and fluffy pillows. He's asleep before he can even appreciate how good it feels.

x

"He'll need lots of rest of course he'll need to finish his antibiotics but aside from that Ryan should be just fine." Sandy nods in relief looking up at at Kirsten who gives him a determindly optimistic smile. He knows his wife, has known her well for years. He knows that her agreement to take in Ryan is based more on guilt and a sense of duty than anything. He knows he probably shouldn't use it to his advantage, pretending that he thinks she's just as excitement and hopeful about Ryan being a new member of the family but this is a kid's life. A kid's that, god help him, he is starting to love and if playing dirty is what will keep Ryan save then he has no problem with it.

"Ryan will be staying with us now. We'll make sure he gets what he needs." The words feel so right falling off of Sandy's lips that he can't help but smile a little.

"And his brother?"

"He'll be staying with us too. Can't split up family right?" It's Kirsten who says it with a little more conviction than Sandy had expected her eyes level with his daring Sandy to argue, to say they should take one and not the other. The doctor looks at Sandy who nods after a moment's hesitation. Trey may not have light pouring out of his eyes like Ryan does but his light is in there, trapped under more lays of hurt and neglect. They might be able to save them both.

x

When Trey heard that the Cohen's were taking Ryan in he was almost over the moon with happiness. He's no idiot he knows that his brother deserves better than empty warehouses and eating out of garbage cans and he knows that he can offer Ryan next to nothing. It still stings that he has to let him go. He's trying to figure out how he can leave the only thing he has in the entire world when Kirsten tentatively tells him to stay.

"You don't have to do that." Trey replies softly because he knows that they are doing this because they feel bad and he doesn't need their help anyways. He hates pity.

"I know we don't. Trey we'd like you to stay. Ryan would like you to stay." And if Ryan wants him there who is Trey to say no.

x

It might be the meds but Ryan is pretty sure he's been dreaming for the past few days. He's in a hot, painful haze but whenever the fog seems to lift Sandy or Kirsten always seems to be there with Seth or Trey not to far behind them. They don't yell at him for running away and being a fuck-up or laugh at him when he gets loopy and his speech starts to slur. They just keep giving him these looks like they're really worried about how he feels and like they care that he is pain. Ryan tries not to get used to it because he's not sure how long it's going to last but he can't help but get used to waking up to find a constant reminder that he is not alone. Usually he hates hospitals but he'd take any disease if it made him feel this loved.

"Ryan we'd like you to stay with us. Trey as well." Kirsten fidgets with her wedding rings as she explains the situation and Ryan can't help but wonder if she's nervous because she's unsure because really why else would she be looking frightened and uncertain. Ryan can see how she'd feel obligated, Sandy too, but more than anything he hates pity, taking charity. He's swallowed his pride so many times that occasionally he thinks he might choke on it.

"Trey and I'll be alright." Ryan mutters in weak opposition. "Most of the care homes aren't so bad if they keep us together." If Sandy could keep Ryan with his brother he doesn't give a crap if they're back at McClellan or back at the warehouse. Sandy looks at Ryan sympathetically and sits on the side of the hospital bed. Ryan tries not to flinch when a hand gently encircles his ankle.

"Kid you're not hearing what we're saying. We _want_ you boys to stay with us." Sandy's voice and his face is so genuine that Ryan can hardly formulate a response.

"Trey too?" Ryan asks weakly.

"Trey too." Sandy says affermatively catching Kirsten's eye. Ryan knows this won't last long he'll do something wrong or Trey will get mad and they'll end up bak at square one again. Ryan likes Sandy though, thinks Seth is cool as well and as nervous as Kirsten makes him whenever he makes her smile he feels like he's the worst best person a few weeks with them could be a good break in the shit-show that is his and Trey's life. He can't justify saying no. Not when Trey will have a bed and three meals a day and not have to worry about Ryan all the time.

"Ok." Ryan says with a little nodd. "If you're sure."

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